We’re only human. This means we eventually give up, we seek motivation, we want approval, we fear rejection. It is only natural that we feel this way. However, quite frequently people look back at past situations and they regret they didn’t act a certain way at the time. The regret slowly builds up inside of us and begins to put pressure on top of our shoulder.

About four hours ago I was one of those people. For two months now the weight has been pushing down so hard that I no longer walk with my head held up high. See, here’s the thing. There was a boy. I’m a teenage girl, what else would you expect? The boy whose name happens to be Adrian quietly intrudes my life a year and a half ago.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem because I built up a defense system inside of me; all these brick walls to keep secure the main organ, my heart. I was certain that there was no way my security system could get infected. That’s when Adrian decides to do something stupid like hold my hand, or even kiss me. When the action is done the reaction quickly begins. Like an epidemic disease whose cure hasn’t been found my defense mechanisms one by one slowly come crashing down.

My system was then over written to revolve around Adrian. However, the main organ, my heart detected the security being breeched and though still worked often malfunctioned. Whenever Adrian was present or his name was mentioned it didn’t go through its regular rhythm and skipped a beat.

For a while Adrian had my heart in the palm of his hand. With my heart, he would play. Often throwing it up and down a basketball court, striking it with a bat to make a home run, roughly holding it between his arm and upper body to make his way across the field for a touchdown. Lying to it. Being a boy he had no clue how sensitive such a powerful organ could be.

Little by little my heart became severely bruised. Yet no matter how much pain it continued to endure it kept pumping strong just because of the simple fact that Adrian was around.

A year and a half later when the defense system was more than long gone Adrian decided to pick up his belongings and leave. My heart with no protection, with no reason, quickly scrunched up with pain. Like a needle roughly piercing your skin in and out, my heart continued to pump. With Adrian being gone and the defense system being destroyed there was hole left in place of them.

Quite often my heart would cause my tear ducts to over flow with water. Quite often my heart would weigh in pain bringing my body along with it. Quite often my heart didn’t allow me to get out of bed in the mornings. Quite often my heart blamed itself for being weak, for being pathetic, for having feelings. Quite often my heart wanted to go back in time and change the way it had let Adrian hold it. Quite often my heart wanted to give up and quite often I would find myself looking for ways to patch up the big empty hole.

That was until today. Four hours ago. After school my mom and I went to Barns & Noble to pick up a book that we had ordered. Standing by the register a wall was full of book markers. Reading them carefully one by one there was one that stood out and it read, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” Instantly something inside of me had clicked. My mind and my heart began progressively sending messages to each other. Finally, it came to the resolution that it is never too late to be what you wanted to be. My heart was once strong and it made a mistake that made it much weaker. Yet, like a kid learning to ride a bike it can stand back up again and become strong. It is never too late. With that one quote the weight on my shoulders slowly began to disappear.

Patricia Passwaters